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by Natasha Devon MBE, Mental Health campaigner and author

When supporting your child to study at home, motivating them to do academic work can be a minefield. Younger children have notoriously short attention spans, whilst teenagers tend to be prone to procrastination and distraction, not helped by the increasing presence of technology in all aspects of life. Parents can never be quite sure if their teens are finally writing their history essay or messing around on social media.

So, what can parents do to give their kids a needed boost without negatively affecting their confidence? One of the key things is to understand the difference between intrinsic motivations (things your child is truly passionate about) and extrinsic motivations (rewards which originate outside the individual). In doing so, you can help them discover a genuine enthusiasm for learning, rather than seeing it as a chore they have to complete to fulfil other people’s expectations. Here are some top tips that might help.

1. Help them discover their motivation

For many parents, the temptation is to try and motivate their child with the promise of a reward – whether it’s an object, an experience or even cold, hard cash. Whilst this may work if the task they’re dreading is something simple like taking the bins out, evidence shows that when we use an extrinsic motivator for academic tasks, we potentially do young people a disservice – they’ll expend brain power thinking about the outcome rather than focussing on their work.

To truly motivate young people, we need to play to their intrinsic motivation – i.e. the thing they’d choose to do even if no one else knew about it. For example, if your child is passionate about team sports, the chances are they are motivated by competition. If it’s drama or other performance-based activities which put fire in their belly, they’re probably motivated by attention. Are they always bugging you to sign petitions, or sponsor them to stand on one leg for twelve hours for various causes? Then their intrinsic motivation is making a difference.

So how do you do this with relation to studying? If performance is their thing, ask them to create a presentation for you on what they have learned. Or if it’s making a difference they enjoy, they could teach something to someone else or help someone else. Sociable children should study in groups, making sure there’s at least one of them who is motivated by competition and can keep them on track. This can instead be done remotely at the moment.

2. Try not to check up too much

You might think you’re being helpful and encouraging every time you stick your head round the door and ask them where they’ve got to/if they need any help/want a cup of tea, but the chances are your child views the interaction very differently. What they will hear as you enquire for the umpteenth time whether they’ve solved that maths equation yet is that you don’t have any faith in their abilities. This can in turn have a negative impact on their self-confidence and therefore their ability to do the task.

3. Encourage communication

Equally, you want your child to know they can talk to you if they have a challenge. Make this clear not just by explicitly telling them (you could even frame it as a deal ‘I’ll let your get on with your own thing without bugging you if you promise to tell me if you need my help with anything’) but also by taking any problem they approach you with seriously, even if it seems inconsequential to you. If in doubt, I find the phrases ‘what would you like to happen now?’ or even simply ‘is there anything I can do?’ to be invaluable in these situations.

4. Beware of perfectionism

A study in 2018 from showed that generation Z (i.e. today’s teens) are more prone to perfectionism. Contrary to what you might have heard, this doesn’t mean they try their hardest every time. Perfectionists have an overwhelming fear of failure. As well as causing anxiety, it also means if they’re not confident in their abilities they won’t put in the effort, because then if they fail they can comfort themselves in the knowledge it wasn’t their best try. They also avoid activities they don’t consider themselves to excel at.

Paradoxically, you can counteract a fear of failure by letting your child know you’ll still love them if they fail. Make sure they’re aware of all the qualities you love about them that can’t be measured by a grade - like kindness, bravery and humour. If in doubt, compliment them in a conversation you know they can hear but they think you don’t know they’re listening to!

5. Role model the behaviour you want to see

If you expect them to have their phone in a drawer or on airplane mode whilst they’re studying, make sure they don’t catch you looking at Facebook whilst you’re working from home. Or, if you think it’s important they emerge from the stale cave of their bedroom and get some fresh air every so often, offer to go for a walk with them.

Young people learn far more about how to behave from unconscious observation of the world around them than they do from what we tell them.

Ultimately, all of the tips above are about centring your approach around the unique needs and learning style of your child. Every young person is different and whilst many parents approach academic matters with trepidation, knowing your child so well puts you in a great position to be a source of support and inspiration.

Natasha Devon MBE is a campaigner and author who delivers talks and conducts research on mental health in schools, colleges and universities.